“The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable.”
Because it is through us expressing ourselves from the heart,
that our souls are touched & connect in a way
that is deeper than words & beyond our minds.
My Music ☾ SANDHARA ☽
It hasn’t been that long, since I’ve rediscovered my love for music and I still got a lot to learn and to explore, to truly find my own sound and voice. One step at a time, I am learning to let go of my high self-expectations, my self-doubts and of comparing myself with others, wishing to be more, better, faster … different.
The more I let go, the more I am learning to just let myself fall into the pure joy of playing and creating music, without the pressure in my mind, but from the pureness of my heart.
Showing myself publicly didn’t really make it easier and self-criticism & self-doubt have been haunting me. Yet, I can’t help but wanting to be bold (even though, many times I feel ashamed in hindsight and I have to remind myself that it’s okay to learn from my mistakes!) cause I love to just go for it, to simply have fun with the creation of something new, following this childlike, innocent spark of joy, without worrying about it being “good enough”. Because I love to explore new territories, to learn from those experiences and to tell stories of empowerment.
So, here I am, taking you with me on this journey of healing my joyful, creative self-expression, of letting my own unique light shine out into the world, playful and free of comparison & judgement.
Because it doesn’t matter. Because I have nothing to prove. Because I am good enough, just being & expressing who I am, right here and now, in this moment in time.
Our Uniqueness matters!
Yours might not resonate with mine and that’s just perfectly fine!
Stay if it does. Leave if it doesn’t.
Follow your way. Express your truth.
“Humbled by the sea”
is the first song I’ve recorded and it tells the story of deep emotions, ego deaths and surrendering to the waves of life.
So far, my musical expression has been shaped by deep inner processes and burning passion. It tells stories of feeling it all and about my love for life and the beauty that is born in the darkness. Like a gate of transformation, she brings lightness into the heaviness.
Writing has always helped me to deal with pain, desire and loneliness and now finally, music has joined in, to transmute it all into beauty.
Over the last 2 years, there’s been a lot of musical explorations, demos and raw song drafts and I am slowly tapping into the process of finalizing and recording some of them.
Check out my Youtube and Soundcloud Account, where you can listen to “humbled by the sea".
If it touches you, like, share and subscribe to support my music. 🙏
Meanwhile, stay connected with subscribing to my monthly newsletter, where I’ll be sharing updates, stories and inspirations from my life and my creative Projects.
A MUSICAL AWAKENING
2023, a dream was reborn within me. A dream I had as a child, but never actually believed in. I always had a lot of passions & visions, but music was probably the thing that defined me the most. Playing multiple instruments and in the brass band, going to music high school and always seen as talented by my teachers, yet as a young adolescent, when I dreamed of playing and writing my own music or playing in a band, I never actually believed, that I was capable.
I wasn’t able to express myself, improvisation and little attempts in writing poems & songs left me frustrated and feeling not good enough. I stopped, before I even really tried. With the circumstances in my youth, I internalized that I wasn’t worthy for being who I am and that it’s better for me to hide my sensitivity and my big emotions.
So I changed. I became someone else. I suppressed rather than expressed, I decided to travel instead of studying Music and Movement Education and slowly but surely, music disappeared from my life. After 15 years of running from myself, I finally burned out and I had to return to my hometown, to recover and to reconnect to my roots and to myself again. It was a catalyst for many things in my life and also the beginning of me slowly reconnecting to my love for music.
So here I was, one April afternoon in 2023, crying and singing along to these songs from an artist, who touched something so deep within me, it was like a lock was turned within my heart and a dream was reawakened from a deep sleep and finally set free again:
“To be able to touch people’s hearts deeply, with music that is so full of love and indescribable beauty.”
It was a clear inner calling and I decided that day, to pick up the guitar and to start learning to play and sing again.
That day really felt like a musical awakening and that artist was becoming my biggest inspiration, mentor and teacher, learning one of his songs after another, watching his interviews, soaking up his music, his sound, his technique, his words, his voice and his expression. It became a little bit of an obsession, I have to admit, but the kind of emotions he stirred up within me, they became my fire, my drive and my passion, he was my north star.
I realized though, that ultimately, I have to find my own voice, my own words and my own sound.
Ever since then I’ve been on a mission to explore my voice and my self-expression and to find the courage to play in front of people, even though I’ve still been full of high self-expectations, self-doubt and feeling really far off from where I wanted to go as a Musician.
LORD HOWE ISLAND
Some months after my “musical awakening”, I was invited to Lord Howe Island in Australia, by an incredibly beautiful Soul, a Friend and a Musician as well, who also has been a big inspiration to me. This magical Island was the place she called home and I was blessed with getting to stay there for over 2 months. I used this time to venture off into the unknown territory of writing my own songs. I had nothing but time and space to explore the island and the ocean, surfing empty waves and letting this secluded 12 km stretch of land in the middle of the pacific ocean inspire me, to dive into my own self-expression.
There’s soon to be a video I am working on, about this journey, sharing some very raw, unfiltered, first attempt demos from my very first explorations into songwriting. So they are not at all, by any means, about showing something that is polished and created with practice and hard work over time, or something that I am proud of, in the sense of my playing and singing being very ‘unpolished’ let’s say at best ;) That video is about vulnerably sharing my story of healing, of going after my dreams, of taking my first steps and of not being afraid anymore, to share my truth with the world.
Subscribe to my newsletter, if you’d like to know, when the Lord Howe Video is being released.
So even if life keeps coming in between, even if I haven’t found the sound and the words yet, that I truly want to share with the world, I keep going, I keep learning and exploring and I keep trusting, even when self-doubt might arise again. Because if I give up, before I truly have tried and given it my all, I will never be the musician that I dream of becoming.
So this is me being bold and vulnerable and giving it my all.
MY FIRST EP
I am in the process of refining and finishing my own songs for my first EP and I’m learning to record them myself, which takes a lot of time, practice and expertise. So I am super grateful for any kind of support!
If my story and my music moves you, like and share it, subscribe to my channels on Youtube and Soundcloud or support me in the form of a donation, so that I can keep working on my many projects, which cost a lot of time and also money to invest into tools, channels, advertisement etc.